7-1-1 Fashion Police
Tuesday, March 01, 2005
[Dispatch]: 711 emergency what is your complaint?
[Me]: Hello? Fashion police? I’d like to report a crime. You need to send in the swat team.
[Dispatch]: A swat team, do we have multiple offenders?
[Me]: Yes – there is an individual at the front of the room wearing a yellow-green, light-yellow, and grass-green plaid suit jacket with a yellow dress shirt and a brown tie. The tie is tied too short so that the knot is the size of his head and the bottom reaches only his belly. His pants appear to be a grey-brown. NONE OF IT MATCHES!
[Dispatch]: Is there a belt?
[Me]: Yes, although it is just a cheap Wal-Mart brown.
[Dispatch]: How about skin and hair tones?
[Me]: White with a tinge of orange and salt and pepper. I am prepared to admit that the orange may be a result of the shirt’s mismatching.
[Dispatch]: (into the radio) All available units please proceed with caution be advised we may have a shooter.
[Me]: Wait, there’s more.
[Dispatch]: Please continue.
[Me]: We also have a 540 – 2 week old beard that won’t grow in and a Fred02- shirt that doesn’t cover the belly worn in public.
[Dispatch]: Have you worked in the trenches?
[Me]: No mam, I am just a gay man who went through the system to learn how to match blacks.
[Dispatch]: Thanks for your call, we’ll be sending up the super friends signal.
[Sirens go off playing – “All things just keep getting better”]
posted by ZEUS @ 10:13 AM,
